she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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