whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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