I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
