Where did you get a picture of my penis
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
