Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
