Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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