Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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