Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
