You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
