you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
