he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
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