Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
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