I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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