At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
