she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize