maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
