we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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