I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
