Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
