Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I wanna passion pit in your ass
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
