I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Randomize
