And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
