So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
