Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
