Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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