His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
