I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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