no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Couch. On fire.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
