That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
