dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
