the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
