i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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