It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
