I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
