Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
