we have pet lesbian snakes
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
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