But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I am available for nakedness
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
