Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
