i already hear my dad disowning me
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
