That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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