no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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