My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
