I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
