if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
