Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
