The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
He did a backflip because drugs
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
