I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
