i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
