Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
