Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
How external is "for external use only"?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
