he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
