May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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