So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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