Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Randomize
