No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
