I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I love how my cats smell like pot.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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