I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
