I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
