so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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