i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Randomize
