Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
