Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
