Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
