bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
