apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
