I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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